''There'll Be Days Like This''...

One of those ''pulling my hair out'' days.

BUT!

I stopped and thought for a moment earlier, long and hard, about just what was eating me and for the life of me I could not figure out what it was. If there was anything...

My moods haven't been great since Christmas. I'm finding it extremely hard to keep a hold of myself and my ups and downs are the most extreme they've been in a few years. I'm sure my twitter feed is a rollercoaster read for a few people at the moment. 

Today was the day I learned to stop and really think about the good and lucky things that have happened me recently and this is what todays post is about.

I felt in a funk. With everything. Clothes and my hair mainly.  I'm at that horrible ''in between sizes'' stage and the size I was wearing is now too big on bottom but the next size down doesn't quite fit comfortably yet. Probably why you're seeing a lot of dresses right now, trousers are hard work for me at the best of times :S

  Luckily enough my Mother came bearing lots of clothes gifts. Little bits and pieces she's been squirrelling away for me, bless her cotton socks!

This gorgeous little top is from Next but my mum tracked it down on Ebay - such a find! Now! If it had have just been the flowery bit it wouldn't have appealed BUT the polka dot bow and cuff lining - just cute!! It's already one of my favourites and I only got it last night.

My mother took even more measures to cheer me up today...

I got my hair trimmed... Well, I can only really say trimmed. It's had a lot of thickness taken out of it and it's been layered a bit more but that's about the height of it. At least it feels a lot lighter on my head and it's sitting better (for the moment). I just got my usual ''dry cut'' as I like to style my own hair (you can never get it salon same anyway) 

I used pinks today as I felt I needed the lift lol I find it nice and fresh looking (when I'm in the right mood!) which gave me a great excuse to try out a new lipstick which was sent to me by a friend, a twitter friend that I hope to meet one day! The kindest soul she is too ;) Jacinta is one hell of a woman. And she sent me a range of Essence goodies! So spoiled me! She has a brilliant blog which you should take a moment to check out Makeup to Make You Feel Good.

So today I wore the lipstick Jacinta had sent me and I love it! 

 by Essence: Shade 33: Glam Girl

Not usually a fan of the pinker shades, this particular lipstick is more a gloss and it has glitter pigments in it. 

It's great for day wear and I reckon it would look great over a slash of colour lipstick for high glitter gloss heading out, if I ever did ;)

OH! before I forget :O 

I wanted to take this opportunity to show you the beautiful name necklace I won in a recent giveaway:

Lilly Belle About Town

Lovely girl and such skill! She also makes beautiful hair garlands that I just *have* to get my hands on!

And so, that, my friends, was Wednesday. A day that started so horribly but thanks to some lovely people I've met and family that spoil me ;) it really did turn right around. 

Still glad to see the back of it though!

''Motel Rocks is Rocking...''

my world AND my Lazy Sunday Lust List this week.

On my quest for The Target Dress I happened apon www.motelrocks.com a website I've never been on before. Now, I'd heard rumblings about it but had not known what was awaiting me...

When I first entered the website I was greeted with a little pop up for a £10 credit towards my first order - how generous of them! 

Unfortunately my first order will definitely not be in the next week or so.

So! What have I been ogling lustily?

DRESSES

(left to right)

Motel Crissy Denim Bustier Midi Dress in Natural

Motel Heidi Fit and Flare Dress in Feather Print

Motel Heidi Dress in Rosa Print

These are cute and stunning, especially the Rosa Print dress. I love the gathered detail above the vintage waistline. Plus it has sleeves which is always a win!

However, the lust dress ....

Motel Belinda Plunge Dress in Leopard Print

Arms covered, plunge neckline, modest length = I just love everything about the shape of the dress. The leopard print is an added bonus!

OTHERS

(left to right)

Motel Hillary Strapless Body in Leopard Print

Motel Razzle Dazzle Sequin Shorts in Gold

Motel Breana Playsuit in Leopard Print

The strapless body would suit any rockabilly / pin up style and I honestly think it would benefit from those type of curves (personally) this may be hard though, as I feel I must point out, Motel only range to a size 14, which they consider a large. Now that means that I'm at the bigger end of their spectrum which sits uneasy with me. But, what I've come to accept is that there needs to be stores for everyone. We shouldn't discriminate in regards to sizing in any case be it someone at a size 28 OR a sz 4. Everyone is different. 

That being said and onto the glitter!!! The shorts!?!?! Kylie anyone? I promised myself this year I would be able to wear a pair of shorts. And I will. Who knows if they'll be quite as sparkly as the Motel ones though...

The other item of clothing that I really want to try wearing this year is the shorts playsuit :S It may be terrible, who knows.. but I'm going to give it a go come spring / summer I think!

Last but not least, Motel have some really fantastic vintage style skirts

Motel Sassy Sway Mini Skirt in Mustard

These pleated skirts are rumoured to be a big thing this spring / summer. Will you have a staple one in your wardrobe? I haven't made up my mind yet. I love the pleats but not sure how they would hang on my figure. Mustard I just cannot get enough of!

Have you purchased from Motel Rocks before? 

''The Dress That Broke Me...''

It happens to the best of us and I'm only a novice so it was fast approaching. This incident.

I ordered a dress that looks terrible on me.

A few weeks ago I fell in lust with the Danni Collar Detail Dress at Boohoo.com

Well, it looked cute enough on the model and I really wanted to try something coral...

*sigh*

HUGE MISTAKE!

First of all, what I love about the dress? The collar detailing. It is cute...

Not too bad?

The full effect...

This is the one photo out of about 13 that I was kind of ok to put up here tonight and even still to me, I look bigger than I am. 

What I've learned? I do not suit bold or extreme detailing of this kind. I do not suit the bright neon shades of 'coral' and I can not wear something in between empire line and waist line. The tie detail doesn't make sense to me. It's not quite empire line but then it's not waisted either. If you're curvy like me, stay away from this kind of waist. I've fallen on the sword here for you ;) I wanted to post the dress, even though I look pretty woeful in it to show you that dressing for your shape is so important. 

And I could do with pointing out that the blame lies at my door for picking it, certainly not with Boohoo who had it here within 2 days! Excellent customer service.

But I bought it on a week I really couldn't afford it and I feel let down :( So let this be a lesson to all of us eh?)

OH! One great thing about todays outfit!! I don't know if you've noticed it yet...

It's a Rabbit Locket!

I've wanted a locket for ages and this one just whispered at me through the page ''Sera, you know you want me'' and I did, I really did.

If you like it as much as I do then head on over to Clare's Bracelets and have a look at what she's got in stock. Lovely girl and great service.

A great accessory and a terribly suited dress.

Match made in Fashion Hell I guess.

Ah well, tomorrow, as they say, is another day!

''The Target Dress...''

I hit my 5 and a half stone loss with Slimming World this week.  And I set my all time target, one I never ever thought I'd get to. Hopefully when I finish up I will be a 10/12 and a comfortable 12.

I barely remember those days when I couldn't even get into size 28 trousers. I don't like to remember them if I'm honest. Can't stand looking at the photos, not that there are very many (I became quite the ninja when cameras were about!)

And so here we are.  Just 13lbs from the finish line. 

When I have all finished up I will have lost a total of 11 stone. 

From 21 stone and 6 lbs

to

10 stone and 6 lbs

My 6.5 stone award will be my last award with Slimming World but I will continue attending as a Target Member. 

I've put a lot of work and determination into this last year. 

I deserve my ''Target Dress'' right? ;)

My lovely Mum has already promised me a bottle of Moet to celebrate.

Just need to sort out the celebratory dress!!! And I need your help!

Do you remember my original target dress? 

Vivien of Holloway

It's stunning. It encompasses the old silver screen starlet atmosphere so well. I fell in love with this dress. Unfortunately at £110 (:S) it's not going to happen.

And that is why my darlings I'm opening the floor!

SEND ME YOUR LINKS!

If you've seen a dress you think should be my Target Dress get in touch!!!

If you are a company or a shop and you think you have my Target Dress get in touch!!!

Cinderella will go to the ball ;)

''Sunshine After The Rain...''

I've been pro-active this week!

I've already made a list of areas within the NHS and government I can write to / email / phone in regards to finding more out concerning mental health patients rights to home visits.

I've submitted an application for an e-petition.

And I've made a telephone appointment with my actual GP who should hopefully have a little more understanding in the matter. Hopefully we'll be able to go some way in finding out the best way forward.

With such a bright start to the week it felt appropriate and just fun to wear a dress donated by my lovely sister Ruth :D 

The dress is by Love Label

The little bag was a £1.10 find on Ebay (it's a bow!)

The ring was from Ebay too and the tights are doubled up again. It's such a neat trick if you don't want to lose the safety of a coloured tight ;) I love how the textures mix and the colours just make me happy.

Gold Hoops from Tesco which I think are a cute touch.  I think they can add so much to a variety of styles, I think they get a bad rap ;)

My gloriously cute little necklace is from the one and only TEMPORARY SECRETARY I managed to pick it up during the sale.

If you do one thing in the next while place an order with the lovely Temporary Secretary. The care that goes into your purchase is astounding and such a lovely personal touch is so hard to come by.

How cute!? If I got more parcels like this I'd be a happy girl!

My shoes on this occasion were also a nod to the upbeat side of my personality, yes, I assure you there is one!

They have butterflies!

I love the butterflies.

I just wanted to take a moment to thank every single person who got in touch, one way or another, with me over the last few days.

Your kindness means the world to me and to know that there are people out there who support and try to understand where I'm coming from is amazing. 

To those who got in touch who find themselves facing the same situation... Get ready for change.

''My Name Is Sera...''

And I'm an agoraphobe.

In case you haven't guessed already this won't be the usual fluffy post. I toyed with the idea of uploading an OOTD or a little budget beauty buy, but I needed an outlet tonight and I hope you'll respect my freedom to do this.

I've stepped away from Twitter for a few hours as I noticed my tweeting had become erratic, tears were falling and my lip was trembling. Not from anything anyone had said to me. I haven't been victimised, bullied or insulted. Nothing like that at all.

I went out today. And I don't mean just to Tesco or a designated ''safe place''. No. I went to Belfast Odyssey Arena to see the Heroes & Lengends Convention I blogged about a while ago. It was a completely impulsive decision. I'd had a relatively good morning and was feeling productive with a sense I could really achieve something today.

I started getting dressed, though in all honesty the knot in my stomach had already formed so tightly and I was shaking so badly I could barely keep my hand still enough to apply my mascara. But I did.

Then I had to get out the front door. Cue the breathlessness and the wobbly lip, the small tear escaping out the side of one eye and an overwhealming sense of fear. It's completely irrational to the majority of you. I respect that but I also hope someone will be reading this that completely understands these symptoms.

I got into the car and we set off. I spent the journey biting my lips.

When we arrived I was shaking as we went inside. My throat was swirling as if I may vomit at any minute but I supressed with all my might.

When inside I quickly realised what a huge mistake I'd made. The jostling, the rudeness, the stuffiness and just general busy-ness around me hit me like a brick wall. But I was determined. I'd gone there to see a specific person and I wasn't going to leave until I'd achieved the goal I'd set for the day.

And so we saw the lovely In These Heels as Catwoman. Mission Accomplished.

I couldn't get out fast enough. I was pushing the pram like a woman demented. I may have cleared a path through folk, I don't know, I simply can't remember. 

When I stepped outside it was raining so I purposelly took my time getting cold and wet, just so that I was shaking for a different reason. 

I was quiet the whole way home. 

When we got in the door everything went from bad to worse. And it all happened so very quickly. 

I felt drained. Emotionally and physically. I couldn't stop crying and I'm still weepy now. I was breathless and have spent a good hour at least tonight working against a building panic attack. 

Why, you ask. Surely it's absolutely fantastic I went out. I should be pleased. Right?

Well, in short, no. I feel unsettled, emotional, panicking, out of control and lost. I feel I've taken 4 steps back. 

I don't know what I was thinking really. I've been concentrating so hard on ''baby steps'' and then I took a leap. It didn't work out.

So, where do I go from here?

I have absolutely no idea. It's hard trying to explain to people I've worked through breaks before, panic attacks are common place and I've been dealing with this for well over a decade. With various health care professionals. The problem is I've learned to become so logical about it all I can pre-empt what they will say anytime I speak to someone.

I want help. I don't want a Dr to refer me to yet another psychiatrist or behavioural therapist. I can not get to the appointments. It's not a case of maybe. I CAN'T. I'm not saying it for effect, believe me, I kinda wish I was. And I do not want yet more prescription medications shoved at me. Enough is enough. I could have a brilliant life. I want to have a life. I want to LIVE MY LIFE. At the minute I'm not. That's the bare bones of this post I think. I'm living half a life. Nearly completely online.

This has to change.

Because this wee guy?

He deserves better than this...

Thanks for reading, if you managed to get this far.

''Special Effects...''

I've been wanting to get stuck in with some ''nail art'' for a while but really didn't have the patience or confidence to do so. I've never tried doing something like this before so I hope you like the little mini tutorial I've put together for you!

I recieved a lovely package from FX NAILS this week and in it were two nail polishes.

I decided to go with the peachy coloured one first.

Now, before we go any further.. yes it's a beautiful colour, it applies like a dream and doesn't smell too overpowering but! There is an added bonus that I will get to later (it's very much worth waiting for!)

Not much ''nail art'' in sight I hear you say...

How do you fancy trying something like this

Inspired by my outfit choice for tomorrow (not that I'm going anywhere or anything)

I assure you this honestly was my first ever time trying this kind of thing so I'm going to take you through it as best I can. 

I used this for the black - a great Twitter Secret Santa gift from the glorious Magz!

It's just a black polish with a very thin brush.

Ready?

- First dot the middle of your nail tip (this is you're ''base'' point)

- Draw one line diagonally and fill in the top part as show

- Repeat on second side

The great thing about this cute little manicure is that it's not horrendously difficult. It doesn't take too long to do and all you've to be careful of is in making sure the base is dry first which is why the FX NAILS polish is fantastic, I honestly couldn't believe how fast drying it was.

Bringing me to the most amazing selling point of this polish.

IT CHANGES COLOUR!!!

I happened to be outside today and my nails changed from a peachy/nude to a gorgeous pink!

So hard to do it justice! 

To get yourself some SPECIAL FX FICKLES just head to the website and have a look through their stock, colours apon colours that change into colours apon colours. What more could a girl want for her nails!!

''Lovehearts and Roses...''

Valentines Day. Has become obsilete? 

Always has been with me and my husband as it's a different special day in this house.

My husbands Birthday.

As luck would have it his favourite colour on me is Red so I donned my newly purchased classic red skater style dress from Clothing at Tesco. 

And, of course, a lovely cheesy Valentines themed pose for you...

We didn't do anything special as I was sick and we don't go out so it was a bit of a waste of a day unfortunately...

However I wanted to take a moment to say how, even though it is his birthday, he never forgets me!

The blog post Something A Little Different showed the fabulous creations of the lovely Doll Doll Dolly and my birthday boy husband bought me the hairclip I'd wanted :D

And the more traditional roses...

He's a keeper ;)

Bit of a slushy one tonight, don't worry it'll be business as usual the next time ;)

I hope you all had a good Valentine or Anti Valentines Day!

''Sweetheart...''

Unless you live under a rock (which would be a great idea right about now) you'll be well aware that we're rapidly approaching V-Day. 

Yup! Valentines Day...

I'm married and I still can't get my head around the supposed festivities.

And whilst I know Valentines Day is normally celebrated with red hearts everywhere, I've decided to opt for something a little different and a little more classic :D

The only heart in this post, (apart from my own that is)  is this little cutie pie sourced from Ebay by the following seller:

PurrpleCatt's Crafts

I definitely NEED more of her pieces - especially the leopard print fascinators!

The one I've chosen for this post (it's special you see!)

Glorious little fascinator and so well made I'm proud to have it in my growing collection!

So, yes! A first for me and a feeling of pride in this post.

As you all know, if you've been following my Sunday Lust Lists, I'm an advocate for the online clothing retailers who cater for curvier ladies.  In particular Marisota, Simply Be and the majority of the companies under the umberella of JD Williams. I have been a long time customer and had purchased from each of the above when I was wearing bigger sizes. 

The great thing is, now that I've lost the weight, they STILL cater for me so they really do have something for everybody. 

They celebrate curves with well tailored clothing and with celebrity backing such as Arlene Phillips you know it oozes class, which is why I was incredibly excited to be in contact with Marisota who very kindly sent me out a dress to style for myself.

I, personally, would highly recommend these companies to anyone size 12 and above. Right up the scale. Don't hide your body in sack like clothing, celebrate yourself, whatever shape or size you are! Embrace yourself. And take full advantage of the 20% discount on your first order ;)

On that note I am braving the ''bare legged look'' today ie; not coloured tights :S 

It seemed appropriate to fully embrace my figure considering the company behind the clothing...

Without further ado...

Vintage Life

Polka Dot Dress by Marisota

When I first saw this dress on the Marisota website I knew exactly how I'd style it!

That's one thing I feel I have to stress. At the minute we're seeing a huge Vintage resurgence which is great news for folk like me who feel they were born in the wrong era ;) But, as I well know, some of the truly vintage dresses or reproduction dresses are woefully expensive SO here's a great alternative. Be alert when clothes shopping online because what you may think looks ok enough on a model, picture how you yourself would style it and magic happens!

I added a little pair of white lacy gloves to really get that ''sweetheart'' feel and the little tan T-bars I picked up in a local charity shop for under a fiver!

One low rolled chignon later and I fixed my fascinator in place with pride. 

Honestly people, I'm standing firmly behind bringing back the hat/headwear!

The little necklace was an ebay find at 99p, the earrings were the ones from Tesco mentioned before.

(I will, of course, bring you a little mini tutorial for the hair)

And I honestly feel I'm ready to stand on the train platform to meet my Valentine...

Whilst automatically, if anyone ever asked, I would say my favourite colour is red.. after this post it may just be swayed to blue (with a dollop of polkadot!)

Had I ventured out this weekend, dressed as I was, I would have headed straight to the Handbags and Gladrags Event in Coleraine. An event that I have no doubt exuded Vintage charm. 

Will you be my Valentine?