Monday, 17 December 2012

Who's Listening

I don't know why I chose that title but this is an organic post. In the sense I really have no idea what I'm about to write about. I know I'm going to try really hard not to be woe-be-me because I'm aware that no matter what I or my family are going through it is nothing compared to others pain and anguish. I'm especially reminded considering the events in America on Friday. So I'm trying my hardest to keep some perspective. Though it's getting difficult.

This time of year, Christmas, can be exceptionally stressful for the very best of us. It's a push every year to make the festive period as great as it can be. Making sure you have everyone bought for, sent christmas cards to the right people, hoping present deliveries arrive in time. Then you sort the shopping, the cooking, the running of Christmas day itself. It's a lot of pressure we put on ourselves. So why do we do it? Because we enjoy the results probably. Some of us have families and have had great traditional Christmasses all through our lives and that tradition brings comfort and joy (pardon the pun). I like to think of Christmas as my Thanksgiving in a way. Every year I'm thankful for those around me and what they bring to my life. 

There are people out there who have nobody to share Christmas with. That's the stark reality. 

Last year I suffered a breakdown. Because I put far too much pressure on myself. There was nobody else heaping it on me, it was all down to me. There were no circumstances making it difficult only me and my mental health. As soon as the clinic opened again after Christmas I was attending, determined to get myself some help.

This year I am struggling harder than last. I've recognised the signs earlier and I'm backing off myself. Sometimes we need to give ourselves space to come to terms with the holiday.

This year I find myself in chronic pain, awaiting an appointment to see a surgical consultant. I have been seen by more doctors than I can remember in the last 4 weeks, I'm on round two of antibiotics, I'm supposed to be taking it easy, I can't go out (Dr's advice) in case I pick up another infection  and I was given the news today that this will be the case over Christmas. Unless there is a new development I have to find a way to muddle through Christmas as is.

We lost our Granda 3 weeks ago now. It's our first real loss. I can't even begin with that one.

With all of this going on I am struggling. I don't mind saying it. Hell this is why I started this blog.

Depression is a real issue. It's an important issue. Our mental health is fragile. We need to treat it with kid gloves sometimes. It's better to be cautious rather than pick up the pieces after the shatter occurs.

I need to be aware now. I am noting moods, swings, triggers. I am determined to make it through Christmas and I'm determined that my 2 year old kid, and my 35 year old kid (husband) will have a great Christmas, full of festive cheer.

I'm one of the seriously lucky ones. I have my husband and my 2 year old. There are those that don't have that. There are those that have nobody. There are those that will contemplate the unthinkable this Christmas. 

If you are feeling depressed, if you are feeling that you cannot cope I urge you to speak to someone and I urge you to do it soon. Before it's too late. It really can be as easy as picking up the phone. Or sending an email. Or tweeting. Or messaging. 

Even if it is only virtually, someone somewhere will be there. 

I'll finish this post by saying this...

If you can't have a Merry Christmas just get through it. There's a new year on the other side and none of us know what that may bring. 



  1. Great post thanks for sharing with us, ur doing a great job at keeping things together, shows your true strength of character. Enjoy what you can of the festive period as I'm sure your boys will by just havin you there! Don't put pressure on Xmas to be anything other than another day xx
    Mrs Brown's Thoughts

    1. I think we all do it to differing extents. But yes, taking a step back. x

  2. Great post! I thank goodness that I have people to share Christmas with, I pray everyone does!

    Sparkles and Shoes

    1. It's something we don't think about but there are those who don't. My heart goes out to them x

  3. Sending you all the love and strength you deserve. xxxx

  4. You're doing great Sera... it's good that you can recognise the signs and step back. Christmas is, after all, just one day and not worth the pressure we all put ourselves under. You will be with your boys, you'll open pressies & eat dinner.

    Lots of love to you x

    1. I'm learning. And that sounds like a great plan to me Nic!

      Merry Christmas to you and yours and I do hope it's stressfree xx

  5. Thank you for sharing! I hope things get better for you and you enjoy Christmas :)

    1. Thanks Doma-Nikki!! Hope you enjoy yours too xx

  6. Thank you for sharing this honest and heart felt post - you have been/ are going through the mill a bit - I hope it all comes right for you - The support of a good partner and the joy of a youngster are worth their weight in gold !


  7. Your honesty is so refreshing Sera, and you are helping fight the stigma. :) Have a restful Christmas.

  8. You are brave and lovely young woman I am so sorry to hear about your recent loss. I started reading your blog a couple of months ago and I think you are doing something really valuable. I wish you all the best x

  9. thank you so much for writing this. nearly cried reading it and although i've been having a tough time of it lately your post put things into sharp perspective and made me feel truly thankful.

    all the festive cheer i can muster


    daisy <3

  10. If you can, dump the expectations and the pressure. Concentrate on just putting one foot in front of the other and taking time to be the three of you together. The rest will sort itself out.

  11. Really so nice pics and I am waiting for Christmas. Have a great day.

  12. After a tough few years myself I am looking forward to Christmas this year because I haven't put so much pressure on myself. I really hope that you manage to have a great Christmas with your little family, I wish you all the best and thank you for being someone who isn't afraid to talk about mental health



Love to hear back from everyone!
Sera x